Boost Your Attractiveness, Boost Your Influence

Boost Your Attractiveness, Boost Your Influence

Influence is the ability to cause others to act or think in ways that you desire.  Attractiveness is what gives you influence.  Attractiveness is the quality which makes it desirable and rewarding for others to communicate with, collaborate with, and be around you.   Convincing your neighbor to split the cost of painting the fence, getting the next promotion, and even getting that first date requires influence.  To influence others, you will need to be attractive.

Attractive Boost # 1:  Remember, EVERYTHING Is Personal: There’s No Such Thing As “Just Business”

Attractive Boost # 2:  Slow down, don’t talk in shorthand.

Attractive Boost # 3:  Listen deeply.  Listen with your ears, your eyes, your brain, and your heart.

Attractive Boost # 4:  Be thoughtful.  Think.

Attractive Boost # 5:  Be patient.  Its not just about you, the task, or the time.

​Attractive Boost # 6:  Be engaged.  Ask clarifying questions, propose win-win solutions.

Boost your ATTRACTION, Boost your INFLUENCE

Attractive Boost # 1:  Remember, EVERYTHING Is Personal: There’s No Such Thing As “Just Business”

When you think about it, everything really is personal when we do business, meet people, purchase stuff, and even go to work.  We go to work because we love our families, and the lives that our jobs support.  We may be trying to get from here to there . . . a better place we will love more, a dream job, or a business of our own.  If we are really blessed AND lucky (I call that blucky) then we ALSO love our work, and the people we work with.  But unfortunately, often we don’t like the job itself, the people we work with, or the atmosphere and culture of the organization we work for.  However, we keep going back to jobs we may not love with people we may not love because of someone we DO love . . . so it is personal.

Since everything is personal, it is important that we understand our own influence, and our own attractiveness.  Influence and attractiveness are not fixed features like our blood type.  Influence and attraction are skills we can gain, and improve upon throughout our lives. 

Influence is the ability to cause others to act or think in ways that you desire.  Attractiveness is what gives you influence.  Attractiveness is the quality which makes it desirable and rewarding for others to communicate with, collaborate with, and be around you. 

This week my friend, Glen decided to purchase a new Iphone 6+.  So we went to the AT&T store, and as we approached the door two people opened the door for us.  Glen and I are both classically trained vocalists, but we sing in a choir that primarily performs (Black) Gospel music.  It is challenging, and it is fun. So we were discussing the fact that European music traditions prefer to clap on the second and fourth beat, and Black Gospel puts the clap on the first and third beat.  There are historical, cultural, and musical reasons for that, which is part of another conversation.  We were explaining to our friend, Karl, that, this can be one of the points of tension in churches that attempt to create racial and cultural diversity.  The young man holding the door picked up on our conversation, and laughed in agreement.  We continued talking about proper clapping strategies for a few seconds, and then he asked us what brought us in.

As we got down to the business of investigating the technology options, and purchasing the phone (a two day adventure) our salesperson made it personal.  Although his income comes from selling technology and services, he recognized that what he was selling was not the REAL reason that Glen had recruited friends to drive him to the store that day. 

Attractive Boost # 2:  Slow down, don’t talk in shorthand.

De’Anthony took extra time to explain the products, then program and set up the phone, downloading Glen’s contacts, deleting duplicates, setting up e-mail, passwords, and Apple id accounts. He was doing much more than selling, De’Anthony was making a friend and a forever fan.  De’Anthony understood that Glen was not in his store to do business.  De’Anthony recognized that for Glen, this deal was personal, really personal. 

Attractive Boost # 3:  Listen deeply.  Listen with your ears, your eyes, your brain, and your heart.

De’Anthony took the time to listen to Glen’s stories about his recent trip to Baton Rouge for a fraternity brother’s funeral, and how he had seen all his college buddies.  Finally, Glen understood why he needed to give up his museum relic of a flip phone for a piece of technology he could use to keep up with his friends. 

Attractive Boost #4:  Be thoughtful.  Think.

De’Anthony took the time to consider Glen’s disability, and mobility issues, to pick remember that Glen might drop his new phone easily, and to pick a case with rubber grips for Glen.  De’Anthony listened intently when we explained the needs, and heard us when we told him that because of Glen’s stroke and eyesight, he has difficulty with a small screen, and a small keypad.  De’Anthony listened when we told him that Glen is housebound most of the time, except for when friends come to pick him up to take him places. 

 

Attractive Boost #5:  Be patient.  It's not just about you, the task, or the time.

De’Anthony didn’t get rushed when Glen told his story again to emphasize what he needed, and his frustration with learning this new touch screen technology, and operating system. 

 

Attractive Boost #6:  Be engaged.  Ask clarifying questions, propose win-win solutions.

De’Anthony smiled, listened, laughed at Glen’s stories, and was totally present and engaged with him the whole time we were there.

What De’Anthony didn’t know is that this year, Glen lost his brother, the last member of his immediate family . . . who was also diabetic and disabled by a stroke, and lived just two doors down.  What De’Anthony didn’t know is that Glen’s brother was Glen’s lifeline, and that this new technology is much more than just a phone, it is a lifeline to other “brothers” from Glen’s fraternity in college.  It is a way to see family pictures, and for Glen to tell his stories to people across the country.  It will be a way for Glen to SEE his friends through Facetime calls, and to interact with others on days that nobody is available to pick him up and take him to coffee.  So this phone purchase was really not business at all, for Glen, it is entirely personal.

What De’Anthony couldn’t have predicted is that Glen will tell the story of his phone, and who waited on him to everyone who will listen for the next . . . forever.  Because De’Anthony made it personal, and treated Glen like the only person who was important at the time, he not only sold Glen the phone, but also won a fan for life. 

What we didn’t know is that this De’Anthony is a former Razorback running back.  Glen is a huge Razorback fan.  The excitement of the new phone paled in comparison to the excitement of having met De’Anthony Curtis in person, and being treated with such kindness and patience.  The college football news reels will pale in comparison to the number of times and people Glen will tell of his experience meeting De’Anthony.  A star is REborn!

The take away here is that whether you are in sales, or service, in the people industry or just not a people person, whether you get paid to communicate well, or paid to empty sewers, how you treat people in your encounters with them will make you either more attractive or less attractive.  As your attraction grows, so does your influence.  Remember it is always personal, so pay attention to the person, listen to their stories, listen to their heart, listen to their needs, and listen to their logic.  Remember, they are a potential forever fan before they were ever your next “sale.”

Remember it's personal, so Make it personal:

  1. Remember everything is personal, there’s no such thing as “just business.”
  2. Slow down, engage in non-business conversation.
  3. Listen deeply: Listen for content, intent and emotion in their messages
  4. Be thoughtful: Pay attention to both functional and personal needs
  5. Be patient: it’s not just about you (or the task of the moment).
  6. Be engaged:  Respond with win-win solutions

Increase your influence by being a good human being to other human beings—this increases your attractiveness.  De’Anthony is handsome, young, strong, great smile, easy disposition, and quick to laugh.  It may not seem possible that he could be any more attractive, or be any more influential than he was the moment he opened the door and laughed at our conversation about the difference in the way white people and black people clap . . . but I assure you, he was more attractive when we left than when we came. 

Glen will evermore trust De’Anthony for advice about what technology he needs . . . and I am certainly persuaded that as I upgrade my technologies to meet the needs of my growing business, I will give De’Anthony first shot at helping me find technology solutions.  The back of De’Anthony’s business card makes the promise, “I can help you.” What it doesn’t say is, “I care about you,” but embedded throughout our encounter was the implied, yet clear message that he does care.  I believe him, and that makes the prospect of doing future business with De’Anthony attractive.

(Names & Pictures used with permission, the very attractive little guy in the pictures is my fun GRANDpeep!).  

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Dr. Angela Courage

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